Tuesday, 17 July 2012

Machine A Trois

By The Megapope   Posted at  22:05   Warmachine 7 comments

So there I was, all ready to venture out to the gaming club that I attend once in a blue moon (this would have been my second visit ever in fact) when suddenly a wild cancelation appears! What are three geeks to do on a Monday night?


This time we didn't have Vomkrieg to gang up on so we fell to bickering amongst ourselves like the hyenas we are. Amidst the hair pulling and feeble slapping it was decided that we'd go with a King of the Hill match, to best facilitate clustering up together in a giant mess of wreckage and fire. So I took a bunch of photos and have put together a halfway decent battle report.

Possibly just thirdway decent.

So before I introduce the armies, I'd like you to feast your eyes on our lavishly appointed gaming table. See that retardedly shaped, vaguely fortress looking bit of packaging over on the upper right corner? If you're thinking 'I bet they were silly enough to make that the objective and try and balance a bunch of models on top of it'... you'd be right!

Anyway, enough about my foolish ideas and the foolish people who go along with them... here are the armies.

The Millinator, as previously mentioned, is a glacially slow Menoth painter who clearly has a hard-on for wracks, fire and hugely annoying magical prayer effects.

For his 25 pt list he took High Exemplar Kreoss, a Crusader, Repenter, Vanquisher, 4 Choir dudes, 5 Exemplar Cinerators, a Vassal of Menoth and a desire to scream 'repent!' a lot while bashing people round the head.

Five Foot Pole's played the most games out at the club with his hardened merc dwarfs and had some idea of what he was doing. I blame the hugely silly objective 'hill' entirely on him, because he should have known better. Even though it was my idea and I giggled like an idiot while trying to balance Khador all over it.

His force consisted of Gorten, a Driller, two Gunners, Brun Cragback and Lug, 10 forgeguard and Thor.

Oh hai! Once upon a time I played Cygnar. That was ages ago and I lost interest on account of being pretty shit with them. Turns out that lunking around a bunch of heavily armoured fantasy-Russians is much more my thang. Who knew? My force consisted of of Sorscha, Juggernaut, Destroyer, 5 Manowar's, 4 Widowmakers and a cute little doggy.
And with the tedious intros out of the way, here's a bunch more pics as the battle unfolded, with my commentary! 

Also check out Five Foot Pole's awesome bear! Isn't it awesome? Sadly he died a horrible burny death at the hands of the Millinator before he got a chance to do some quality rampaging. 

Round 1 shows the main issue of the game straight away... poor Five Foot Pole drew the short deployment straw and ended up right between me and the Millinator, with the two of us within firing range right off the bat. This was clearly the biggest mistake we made and should have rethought out how we set the game up. Ending up having to fight the pair of us off, Pole was a very good sport about it all. 

After exchanging some shots between Pole's Gunner and my Destroyer, we all made our way towards the objective ruins. Pole's shitty starting position had his forgeguard running right past my Widowmakers, who basically annihilated them within two turns using their sniper ability. Meanwhile, Millinator eyed up the merc bear and decided he'd have none of that thanks very much, and the smell of burning fur soon filled the air...

Turn three saw the Menoth Repenter parked up on the ruins! Points to Millinator! I think both me and Pole arsed around a bit this turn instead of gunning to the objective as fast as poss. Or maybe we're both just slow, I forget. By this stage all but one of the forgeguard were left alive and my Destroyer had taken a beating but was still (surprisingly) fully functional. 

Second to last turn! Oh the mayhem. Sorscha feats. A turn too early... maybe. My Juggernaut charged up and exploded Millinator's Repenter. Man O War's come up behind to reinforce. Naturally this is answered by a bunch of Cinerators. Cue comedy gold as we try to balance that many troops on the top of the stupidest hill objective in history. We eventually ended up using putty to stick them on there. Good times! Meanwhile, Pole's Driller goes head to head with the Vanquisher. Some other stuff happens!

Here's a close up pic of all our crap balanced on top of the objective! 

Aaaaaand in the last turn, both Millinator and Pole used their feats. We'd agreed to wrap up on this turn since it was getting late so I ended up getting knocked down by Menoth and shifted across the board by  the mercs. Sorscha slides right over within easy reach of Gorten, who shoots her full of holes and then casts a spell to finish her off. 

That was pretty much me out of the fight. We'd agreed upon three points as the winning number, and while I managed to stop Millinator from getting that, he did carry the day on two points. I feel that Pole just got gipped by an awful starting place and would have done a lot better if we'd set the table up properly. 

And that was our game! Various lessons learned, a good time was had by all. 


  1. Sounds like fun. I really felt sorry for Pole.

  2. Yeah seriously. He was such a good sport about it!

  3. He didn't do too bad in the end. He pretty much crippled my crusader and took out Sorscha. We probably should have reversed the deployment order in hindsight.

  4. What I have tried to do in a similar game is to effectively make a triangular table, so everyone is the same distance from everyone else. It makes for weird deployment zones, but at a small game size it works well. Especially for king of the hill style games.

    I also felt sorry for Pole on Tuesday. He played DarkKnight142. I try not to let anyone who hasnt been playing for a year to play him, but I didnt find out until too late (Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo) DarkKnight142 is a very good Cygnar player, and while some others beleive in the 'burned hand teaches best' he is more of the 'incinerate-everyone-you-know-and-love, and if-you-come-back-to-the-table-you-might-have-learned-something'. Players out of his stable tend to be good players, but mentally scarred. Vomkrieg has a early 'how to lose at Warmachine' post on playing him too.

    I think next week I'll make sure that Pole isnt playing a masochist. Maybe I'll give him a game, I tried to the other week but someone else was short an opponent. When that happens I tend to bow out and go vacuum the lounge. (Yes, that actually happened)

    1. Ah, DarkKnight142 he plays hard but plays fair.

      You do learn a lot playing him, but for a newer player its a very daunting experience.

  5. heh it wasnt that bad the army is just a gorten delivery system the troops and juacks are there to soak up dammage while goten gets into ladslide range of the enemy caster :D
    probably doesnt help I forgot I was playing searforge so didn't increase my deployment 4" , and also didnt know how broken brun and lug are so didnt transfer damage or heal :D
    yeah i was trying to make a triangle shape but it didnt work out as lanned next time i suggest we place the hill dead center with deployment center for one guy and the other 2 in the opposite corners

  6. I just re-read this post. That was a lot of fun.


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